A View from Israel

The view from Israel is, well, obviously different from the view from Sacramento. Specifically the view I have just now is different because I’m looking down from a hilltop. I am in my room in the dormitory at the University of Haifa. The university is built on a “mountain top” and the dormitories look down onto an industrial track surrounded by fields. That may sound ugly, but at night it’s a sparkling gem of color.

One of my agendas for the coming year is to work with the ARZA (American Reform Zionist Association) committee. While working on the planning for the year we talked about the American image of Israel. Israel is seen as small, dangerous, and possibly oppressive (there, I said it!) Well, one out of three isn’t bad I suppose – it is small.

Israel is this amazingly diverse place where history and the modern world coexist in all their glory. Two thousand year old archeological digs are common, and the spectrum of politics is huge with everyone screaming at everyone else.

There is a growing hi-tech community (Google, IBM, and Intel, to note a few, have research installations here in town,) quality healthcare and sanitation, world quality universities, and an extremely diverse group of immigrants. Aside from the three obvious religions here in Haifa is the center of the B’hai faith, and there are several smaller religions in the nation.

People do live with the risk of terrorism and war, but also live healthy, quality lives which would seem normal in most European countries. For what little its worth I’ve been asked several times, and quite sincerely, how I can live safely in the U.S. where everyone’s shooting at everyone all the time. (Amazing how these impressions spread.)

I hope to explore these aspects of modern Israel when I get back to California.

At a loss for words

The recent decision by the California Supreme Court regarding same-sex marriage leaves me at a loss for words. Specifically, I’m at a loss for the right words to describe this joyful turn of events which challenges our current use of language.

I start with the legality of same-sex marriage. The problem is that it was never “illegal” in the traditional sense of the word. Stealing is illegal. Driving too fast is illegal. Same-sex marriage was not legally recognized. The participants do not go to jail like they could if they were caught with cocaine. They did not have full rights, and at the federal level with the new decision still will not have full legal rights, but that does not make a religious or civil marriage a punishable offense.

Then there is the question of how to describe the events which are about to take place. Two dear friends of mine, both active in the congregation, have already made plans to become “legally” married under California law, and to celebrate the event. What do we call their celebration? They started with calling it a marriage, but they were married by the rabbi some years ago and they have maintained that commitment. I honor their decision, and fully plan to attend, but as far as I’m concerned they are already married. One congregant has suggested we should refer to it as “matrimony” only because through use of this word we can, “dot the i’s and cross the t’s.” Good as any!

The confusion goes on as we as a society continue to evolve our language to keep up with social events. Regardless of the words used may we celebrate their joy, their commitments, and that they are part of our family.

Yom HaShoah

I went with a religious school class to the Holocaust Center of Northern California (http://www.hcnc.org/) last week. The center is more a library then a museum. The current exhibit of letters from that era was both touching and poignant. A woman who is a refugee told us her story of being a twelve-year-old in Vienna when the Nazis rolled in, and how she was given away by her mother to a family in England. She crossed the Atlantic on a troopship during the war to be reunited with her family in New York.

These holocaust related experiences always evoke strong reactions in me.

My first reaction is always a vacillation between extreme anger and extreme sadness. Part of me wants to seek vengeance against those whose cruelty was almost unimaginable. Another part of me just wants to sit quietly and cry for those whose lives were changed so radically, or taken, for no reason other then their existence.

The living memory of the holocaust is leaving us rapidly due to the aging process. It is both happy and sad to witness those who often committed acts of heroism, ending their existence in such an ordinary manner. I am forever thankful that many of the survivors and refugees live seemingly normal lives. They are no longer called upon to perform heroic acts of survival. Somehow, however, it seems they should be given “extra credit” for what they have been through. Somehow its even better that they are not required to fight against those who wish an unnatural end to their existence.

Those of living memory remind us how ordinary the victims were. It is not the duty of everyone to become a hero (and we only hear from those who survived.) It is the right of all peoples to live in peace and attempt to live their lives to the best of their abilities. We honor, as we should, heroism but we cannot forget that this heroism was forced on them. Most would have been perfectly happy to live ordinary lives.

We remember these events in the next few weeks. There is the traditional remembrance at Passover as we discuss slavery and liberation. Communitywide Yom HaShoah (holocaust memorial) observances will be held at Mosaic Law the evening of April 30 from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm.

Never forget, and never again.

A Member's Contribution to this Blog

So, I just got back to town from my grandmother’s funeral in Florida. It was hard. It was sad. It was the hardest and saddest thing I have had to do in a very long time, maybe ever. I came back heart-broken. I’m still very saddened about the whole thing. It’s not that Nana was young and healthy; she wasn’t. She was 88 years old and had congestive heart failure. It was silly to hope that she’d always be there. She was my last remaining grand-parent. I just didn’t expect her to ever be gone. We were not incredibly close. And yet, I can’t imagine my life without her. She always accepted me for who I was. Always. Unconditionally. Without fail. I returned to Sacramento in time for the Purim festivities on Thursday night. I think I was kind of shell shocked. But, in my dazed, confused, sleep deprived, jet lagged, and seriously emotional state, even I could recognize that this year’s Purimspiel was the best one yet. Then, the following night was Shabbat. I went to services, knowing that I was going to see my Nana’s name missing from the healing list. When the list was read aloud during services, I cried. Then, later in the service, the names of the recently deceased were read aloud. Rabbi Alfi publicly welcomed me back to the congregation after my loss. I cried again. (I am not a crier, for the most part, especially not in public.) Then, an amazing thing happened after the service ended. A ton of folks came up to me and offered their condolences and support. I mean, not just a couple of people, not just the folks I hung out with, not people doing it for the sake of appearances. In the sanctuary, in the lobby outside of the sanctuary, and at the oneg, people from the congregation kept coming up to me and saying how sorry they were for my loss, asking me about my Nana, offering comfort and caring, kindness and understanding. I’m at a bit of a loss to express how much this meant to me so I thought I’d post something here to try to share how much this congregation means to me. I don’t think I can do it justice.

Little Gems

This weekend I’m off to the CBI Adult Retreat. Its an annual event which takes place in the hills west of Napa. The site is quiet, simple, and most important out of cell phone range. The Adult Retreat is an annual opportunity to stop for a weekend and contemplate the bigger things in life, spend time with old friends, and, of course, eat well.

I mention this remarkably cheap event as one of many little gems I’ve found at CBI. These are little opportunities to connect with the spiritual and educational sides of Reform Judaism. They offer avenues into our community.

Torah study is another of the little gems I’ve found. I suppose when I started I had this image of a structured environment where “the one” interpretation would be forced on the participants. Our Torah study is anything but that. It is a free flowing conversation which starts from the weekly Torah portion but travels the route of human experience. The conversation is greatly enhanced by the seemingly infinite knowledge of our Cantor and our amazing lay educators. We do have a congregation with an amazing depth of knowledge.

There are many other little gems hiding in the fabric of CBI. We are a congregation of multiple interests and tastes. What I find binds them all together are community and a respect for (and debate over) Jewish values.

I would welcome expressions of interest in activities, existing and proposed, and any other comments on the community which is CBI.

Equal or Gay Marriage

I was touched by a comment made at last week’s (2/15) Hot Topics Shabbot. The topic of the evening was gay, or as stated there, equal, marriage rights. The drosh was a presentation on the legal history, complete with an explanation that the issue is more about, “equal” marriage rather than “gay” marriage, using some of the same arguments which are used in the “separate but equal” decision.

After services there was a panel discussion featuring two couples (one male, one female) who had been married at CBI. Just to be clear, these marriages are not valid under California law although I dislike the description of them as “illegal.” “Illegal” implies that they are in violation of the law and that someone can be punished for them. It is more accurate to say that they are not recognized by the law.

I’ve drifted off my point which was one little comment which came out of the Q&A portion of the panel discussion. A member of the audience pointed out that there are gay congregations in the Los Angeles area, as well as the San Francisco Bay area. If a gay congregation emerged in the Sacramento area would members of the panel be inclined to join it? Barbara B., a member of the panel, responded by talking about how much she enjoys being a part of a heterogeneous congregation. The panel proceeded to talk about how being gay in our congregation does not set one apart.

The panelists are members of our community who are known, respected, and loved for themselves rather then part of a group separated out, voluntarily or otherwise. They are part of our congregation family, as am I – a married, straight man (just to partake in full disclosure.) I am proud to be part of a family which includes so many, different and wonderful people.

Tom Lantos - A Brief Memorial

This week marked the passing of US Congressman Tom Lantos (D-San Mateo, CA). Congressman Lantos was a Hungarian born Jew who survived the holocaust. He never forgot the horrible experiences of his youth in the concentration camps and championed human rights in his many years in the House of Representatives.

When the “greatest generation” is discussed in this country I think we sometimes forget those who survived the war as well as those who fought it. I find it sad to see survivors of such horrors passing on. Lantos lived a long and fruitful life. His accomplishments were many. In the end mortality will catch up with us all, and cancer took Lantos at the age of 80.

We remember the holocaust to prevent its repetition. We also honor those who had their lives so brutally interrupted and then rose above their torturers with the mission of making life better for others.

Yom H’Shoah, the annual holocaust memorial, will be observed on May 1 this year. We should all take a minute to reflect on those who survived, and those who perished, and on those who contributed so much despite the intentions of their oppressors.

I know this goes beyond the original intention of this blog. At times I shall indulge myself by presenting other thoughts.