The recent decision by the California Supreme Court regarding same-sex marriage leaves me at a loss for words. Specifically, I’m at a loss for the right words to describe this joyful turn of events which challenges our current use of language.
I start with the legality of same-sex marriage. The problem is that it was never “illegal” in the traditional sense of the word. Stealing is illegal. Driving too fast is illegal. Same-sex marriage was not legally recognized. The participants do not go to jail like they could if they were caught with cocaine. They did not have full rights, and at the federal level with the new decision still will not have full legal rights, but that does not make a religious or civil marriage a punishable offense.
Then there is the question of how to describe the events which are about to take place. Two dear friends of mine, both active in the congregation, have already made plans to become “legally” married under California law, and to celebrate the event. What do we call their celebration? They started with calling it a marriage, but they were married by the rabbi some years ago and they have maintained that commitment. I honor their decision, and fully plan to attend, but as far as I’m concerned they are already married. One congregant has suggested we should refer to it as “matrimony” only because through use of this word we can, “dot the i’s and cross the t’s.” Good as any!
The confusion goes on as we as a society continue to evolve our language to keep up with social events. Regardless of the words used may we celebrate their joy, their commitments, and that they are part of our family.
